Week 7 of More Touchdowns Less Turducken brought a full serving of blowouts, one painfully close finish, and enough lineup regret to keep the group chat busy. Some teams strutted; others may want to check whether their fantasy app has a return policy.
Angry Cacti vs. Poguelandia kooks Angry Cacti flattened Poguelandia kooks 203.12 – 159.74, a 43.38-point blowout. Angry Cacti showed up with a score that could scare a cactus, while Poguelandia kooks got left looking like they’d brought a folding chair to a demolition derby.
Jalen Hurts Your Feelings vs. Violating Vows w/ Vrabel Jalen Hurts Your Feelings took down Violating Vows w/ Vrabel 177.94 – 153.88. That’s a solid win, and a fittingly uncomfortable result for a team whose name already sounds like a league dispute in progress.
Run CMC vs. BrotherMulligan Run CMC beat BrotherMulligan 200.62 – 177.24. BrotherMulligan put up 177.24 and still walked away with the loss, which is fantasy football’s way of handing out a participation ribbon made of pure frustration.
The Return of the Queen vs. Eagles will always Suck The Return of the Queen edged Eagles will always Suck 142.96 – 133.12. It wasn’t a scoring spectacle, but The Return of the Queen got the result that matters, while Eagles will always Suck finished as the week’s low scorer.
MORE SparklyBarbieGirls vs. JamesM009 MORE SparklyBarbieGirls slipped past JamesM009 153.68 – 151.24, winning by just 2.44. JamesM009 had Tony Pollard’s 39.00-point performance and still came up short, which is a special kind of fantasy-football paperwork to file.
Awards
- High Scorer: Angry Cacti, 203.12 pts
- Low Scorer / Sacko: Eagles will always Suck, 133.12 pts
- Biggest Blowout: Angry Cacti over Poguelandia kooks by 43.38 (203.12 – 159.74)
- Closest Game: MORE SparklyBarbieGirls edged JamesM009 by 2.44 (153.68 – 151.24)
- Lucky: The Return of the Queen won with 142.96, below the 156.81 median; the opponent had 133.12.
- Unlucky: BrotherMulligan lost with 177.24, above the 156.81 median, while the opponent had 200.62.
- Bench Buster: Jalen Hurts Your Feelings could have gained 21.76 points by starting Bo Nix (QB, 33.68) instead of Bryce Young (QB, 11.92) in the SUPER_FLEX slot, with all other starters fixed.
- Player of the Week: Tony Pollard (RB), 39.00 pts for JamesM009
Looking ahead
Next week, bring your best lineup, because the bench is already keeping receipts.